She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
