Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
