Nicole vs. Life
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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