Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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