when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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