$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
