True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
