i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
