Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
