Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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