if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
