i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
