when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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