I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
