He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
