my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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