What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What a dumb baby whore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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