how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
