i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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