My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
