I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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