i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
