AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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