Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
