I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
