Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
