I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
