I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
