He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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