AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
