he wants to bone in the snuggie
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
