You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
