Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
