he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
