if only i could text you this smell
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
