Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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