You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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