why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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