I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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