His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
