I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
