I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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