i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
