I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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