She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
