went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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