how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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