She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
