My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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