Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
