Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
