Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
